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...nice with a coffee
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Floating Domicile and OECD Battleship Battle it Out
on Lake Champlain -- Eyewitness report by Lou Slips, captive.com cracked reporter -- Burlington, VT, August 9, 2006: The Floating Domicile legend gained credibility during VCIA Conference week, buttressed by reported sightings throughout the week. On day 1, at the opening reception at the ECHO Center, conference delegates from De Baucher Re and Mocha Re who wish to remain anonymous insist they saw life boats coming ashore from a large luxury liner anchored in the distance, but captive.com can neither confirm or deny this rumor, taking their mental status into consideration. An eyewitness risk manager, Aretha Puppybreath (known as "APUP" to many), did, however, attest to the domicile ship's appearance in the Burlington area.
She continued, "With horror, I observed that hot on the tail of the hapless vessel was the OECD battleship reported in an earlier RISKbitz article, firing tracer rounds, or perhaps fireworks, in the direction of the raucous captive managers and owners leaning over the deck rails of the Domicile ship, shouting acronyms!" Sobbing audibly, Ms. Puppybreath added, "Perhaps worse, dozens of cows on previously-bucolic shoreline pastures, terrified by the spectacle of all that ordnance exploding overhead, scattered for their lives, calves trailing behind willy nilly." APUP tells us that she subsequently reported this develoment to the ever-vigilant PETA --"People Eating Tasty Animals". The organization is reportedly attempting to lease a destroyer vessel from Green-Piece to pursue the Floating Domicile and the OECD ships. Thankfully, after a brief and apparently fruitless skirmish, the OECD battleship pursued the beleaguered luxury liner north toward Canada, out of sight of all aboard the Spirit of Ethan Allen III. Len Crouse was observed by many to be snorting and snickering under his breath throughout the remainder of the cruise, although he adamantly denies any involvement with running the floating domicile out of town. Subsequent rumors have it that in an attempt to elude the Green-Piece vessel leased by PETA, under cover of darkness, both ships turned 180 degrees, heading south toward the Champlain Canal in an attempt to reach the Hudson River before PETA closes in. The US Coast Guard and the Department of Homeland Security were placed on high alert. See RISKbitz report on this new develoment below... Copyright © 2006 Captive.com, LLC
Floating domicile raids Vermont, captives taken by an undisclosed RISKbitz reporter -- In a daring raid, the floating domicile, which is home to several renegade captive managers and dozens of captive insurance companies, has hit Vermont. The leading state domicile had thought itself safe from the pirate domicile, due to it being landlocked and miles from the sea. However, the floating domicile hatched an audacious plan to sail down the St Lawrence River to Montreal, haul the ship overland to Lake Champlain, and then sail into Burlington.
Local Vermont captive managers were too preoccupied with the Annual Vermont Captive Insurance Association Conference to notice that a number of captives had been seized. By the time they returned from the afternoon sessions, they were gone, and the ship safely on its way up the St Lawrence. The news has led to panic in the US domestic captive industry, with Maine expecting an imminent attack, and South Carolina on high alert. The US Department of Homeland Security has warned state domiciles not to leave captives unattended “even for a few minutes.” Hawaii has imposed a 100 mile exclusion zone around itself, enforced by the US coastguard. The floating domicile’s location is currently unknown. There are unconfirmed reports that it is once again headed for Bermuda, but a ship of similar size was seen steaming across the Atlantic towards Guernsey and the Isle of Man. The US navy and the Royal Navy have been put on alert. One US captive manager, who did not wish to be named, questioned the use of force against the floating domiciles. “Gun boat diplomacy won’t work,” said Donald Ronald Jnr. “We need to entice the captives back, and if that means providing big game fishing, deck games, and nightly cabaret entertainment, we’ll do it. We’ll even throw in a few…” Cont p49.3 [For more mind-numbing punishment, visit www.RISKbitz.com] Copyright
© 2006 RISKbitz. Reprinted with Permission.
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"While
partaking of considerable fine food, adult beverages, and stimulating
conversation on the observation deck of the Spirit of Ethan Allen III
during 
“It
went like a dream,” said Dirk Dastardly, one of the renegade captive
managers. “We hatched the cunning plan after watching that Werner
Herzog film, Fitzcarraldo, and we thought, if Klaus Kinski can haul a
steamship over a mountain, we can drag our ship down Interstate 87.”